Saturday, April 9, 2016

She's trying to Stand Out - He's trying to Fit-In

(Actor Doug Anthony Hutchison and his wife)

Firstly, it's important to understand that dressing like the man in this photo won’t make you attractive to a woman like that.  He’s a Hollywood actor with money and fame… and in her case that’s probably what initially made him attractive to her. In fact she married him - in spite of the large age difference.

To understand why he would dress like that when he’s out in public, remember the primal values that influence the way we all dress :
  • to fit-in and be accepted by our social group
  • to stand out in some way that raises our social status
  • and to be sexually attractive to potential mates within the group.

Men are more inclined to be influenced by values #1 and #2… while women are more inclined to be influenced by values #2 and #3.  That’s why she’s dressing to stand out, while he’s dressing to fit-in with all the other men on the street.

So by dressing the way he does he's hoping to fit-in with what most men are wearing these days... while at the same time raising his social status by having her by his side.

Or if you want to look at the relationship in even simpler terms, she's offering the primal currencies of youth, beauty and sexuality... and he's offering the primal currencies of money, fame and status. 

But if you don’t have money and fame and you want to remain attractive to your partner, then what you have to do is trigger sexual attraction by sending primal signals about your masculinity.  And that can be done by :
  • taking a minimalist approach (no big logos or wording)
  • highlighting your best physical features (shoulders, chest, butt)
  • using dark and solid colours as the foundation of your wardrobe
  • and making sure that everything you wear is simplestrong and functional.

Always keep in mind that the feminine approach to fashion is to use the concept of 'decoration' to enhance beauty and sexuality.  So when they dress a man they naturally tend to choose fabrics and colours that make him look more pretty than manly.

So don't rely on your girlfriend, wife or mother to choose your clothes for you... not even as gifts!  

Finally, when it comes to wanting to fit-in with your friends and co-workers to gain their acceptance and support, keep in mind that as much as they may like you, they don't really want you to be more attractive than they are, or to be more respected or successful than they are.

In short, they're not going to be keen on anything that increases your status within the group. So they'll probably try to make fun of you, in the hope that you'll give up on your new way of dressing. 

It's all part of our primal pack mentality. We humans have learnt to survive by hunting in packs, and living in packs (social groups).  And at a psychological level, groups have Alpha personalities, Beta personalities, and Gamma personalities. 

The higher up that pecking order you are, the more status and privilege you'll have, and the more potential mates you'll attract.  And that's the last thing your friends and co-workers want for you

So always wanting to fit-in by dressing the same as they do isn't actually going to help you in life. Given half a chance they'll do whatever they can to be more attractive, or more successful, or more respected than you. 

You're better off being your own man, and developing your own expression of Alpha Styling. 

It’s a Primal Thing.

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