Sunday, March 30, 2014

Why do young men and women dress the way they do?

Everyone thinks they know how to dress and look good... but if that was true, then why do celebrities pay professional stylists to dress them for important public events?  

Most women are of the opinion that they know how to dress…. and that men just don’t understand female fashion. But if you were to ask ten men to comment on how a woman is dressed, and most of them gave negative opinions, then she is likely to change her style of dress immediately… in spite of her previous confidence that she looked good in what she was wearing.

Men on the other hand, are almost the opposite. If a woman didn’t like the way a man was dressed, he’s likely to say something like “Well I think I look ok!” But if you then asked ten male co-workers to comment on how he is dressed, and most of them gave negative opinions, then he is likely to change his style of dress… in spite of his previous self-assuredness that he looked ‘ok.’

This difference is due to the male and female response to the 3 primal values that influence the way we all dress. Those values are :
  • to fit in and be accepted by our social group
  • to be a bit different and raise our status in that group
  • to be sexually attractive to potential mates within the group.
However the interesting point is that men are more inclined to be influenced by values #1 and #2… while women are more inclined to be influenced by values #2 and #3.

What that means is that men are often more influenced by what the other men in their social group think. And so they tend to follow fashion trends that are popular within that group... even when the style of clothing is not considered to be attractive by the opposite sex.

It's all about being 'accepted by the pack'... and some common examples would be :
  • wearing caps backward and high on your head
  • wearing your pants low to expose your underwear 
  • wearing pants that are baggy in the bum and/or the crotch
  • wearing extra long baggy shorts and looking like a lost little boy.

Women on the other hand, are often more influenced by whether or not they’re considered to be attractive. They don’t care too much about fitting-in with what other women are wearing… in fact they’re happy to be different and stand out from the rest of the pack. However dressing in an overtly sexual way (showing as much flesh as possible) doesn’t always create the best possible impression… especially in a business or professional environment.
So it seems that both men and women could benefit from a more balanced expression of all three primal values. Girls could consider dressing less sexy in the workplace... and guys could consider dressing more sexy when they're out on a date.  Just a thought! :)

It's a Primal Thing.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

You will be Judged - It's a Primal Thing!

At a primal level we are hard-wired to make snap decisions when meeting a stranger. It’s a survival trait. We need to determine if they are friend, or foe?  Or if they are simply an idiot whose actions might accidentally be a threat to our survival? 

Either way, we want to get some idea of who and what they are!

So the point to keep in mind about the way you dress is that your personal expression has a lot to do with the people and events that influenced you as you grew up. But you’re the only one who had that unique mix of experiences… so other people aren’t necessarily going to appreciate your sense of style in the same way that you do.

This is especially true in business… and it doesn’t matter if you’re a tradie or an executive… the way you dress will have an effect on how people perceive the product or service you’re offering.

So it makes sense to take a primal approach… to dress in a way that people will respond positively towards… to dress like an Alpha personality.

t’s a concept that can be expressed in a wide variety of ways, depending on your role or function, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. Dress in a way that’s :
  • simple  - which shows you’re practical in your approach
  • strong – which shows you’re capable of getting the job done
  • functional – which shows you’re effective in what you do
  • with an obvious quality – which shows you have high standards
  • and an understated elegance – which shows you give attention to detail.
It’s aPrimal Thing.


Saturday, March 22, 2014

Want more Respect? - Want more Sex?

(Photos courtesy of LA Times Magazine)

The 'lost and lonely' image of George Clooney (above) might prompt some women to want to give George a hug and a kiss... but it won't trigger any sexual impulses. And it's the same when men wear extra long baggy-bum shorts and look like 'little boys'... it might trigger the maternal instinct in some women, but it's not going to trigger any primal attraction.

So why do so many men dress like little boys these days? Well it's because it's a fashion trend at present, and we (humans) are hard-wired to follow fashion trends... regardless of whether they actually do anything for us or not.

Why do we follow trends so blindly?  Because of the 3 primal values that influence the way our tribe dresses. Put in simple terms :
  1. we dress to fit-in and be accepted by our tribe 
  2. to be a bit different and raise our status within the tribe
  3. and to be sexually attractive to potential mates within the tribe.
Men tend to be most influenced by #1 and #2 (fitting-in with what the other guys are wearing, but being just a bit different)… whereas women tend to be most influenced by #2 and #3 (raising their status by highlighting their best sexual features).

And this is where most guys get it wrong... they dress in a way that fits-in with what all the other men in their tribe are wearing... rather than dressing in a way that expresses the character traits that the women in their tribe will find attractive.

Note : Fitting-in with the other warrior-hunters in your tribe is a survival trait. We are hard-wired to band together to fight, and to hunt. However fitting-in is not an effective mating behaviour. In fact, when it comes to attracting a sexual partner or a potential mate, you will actually have to compete with all the other men in your tribe. And it's the 'Alpha's' who will be the most respected, and considered to be the most attractive!   

So what are the alpha male traits that will prompt respect from other men, and be sexually attractive to women? They're the timeless traits of the warrior-hunter... a man who is practical... capable and effective... a man who has high standards... and an eye for detail.

And although those traits can be expressed in different ways in different cultures, in our modern western society they translate as the Five Parameters of Alpha Styling :
  • simple... which shows that the man is practical
  • strong... which shows he's capable of getting the job done
  • functional... which shows he's effective in his approach
  • an obvious quality... which shows he has high standards
  • and an understated elegance... which shows he has an eye for detail.

So to get more respect and be sexually attractive:
Dress simple, strong and functional
with an obvious quality and
an understated elegance.

It's a Primal Thing.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Maximise your Attraction Factor

(Photo by John Balsom)
 The photo above is of David Gandy from the winter issue of Man Of The World Magazine. The image is classic Alpha Styling : simple, strong and functional ; with an obvious quality ; and an understated elegance.
And the attitude to life that the image portrays is universally attractive. It says :
  • this is someone who knows their direction in life - or at least their direction right now
  • they believe what they’re doing is worthwhile - and that shows confidence and character
  • they’re aware of their strengths and weaknesses - so they're not looking for approval.
So if you dress in your own expression of Alpha Styling, and talk about your life in the terms listed above, you are guaranteed to maximise your attraction factor.
It's a Primal Thing. 

 Click on this link for insight into the 3 primal factors that determine how men and woman dress:

Saturday, March 15, 2014

It's a Primal Game - and Klingons are very Primal

Most husbands know that a wife who is trying to get pregnant can be less than romantic, and more like a Klingon female in the throes of mating. If you don’t know what that means, a Klingon female roars and claws at her mate.
And that compares reasonably well to something that a married woman said to me recently. We were talking about the process of trying to fall pregnant, and she said “Romantic love doesn’t make babies… primal love makes babies… and it can be a very empowering experience for a woman!”
Just for fun here’s a short Star Trek clip in which Worf describes the Klingon mating ritual to a very young and naive Wesley Crusher. And right at the end Worf gives him the option of trying what he considers to be the human approach to mating : *(46secs)
It’s a Primal Thing.

Monday, March 10, 2014

It's a Primal Game - and you can get off the field!

Have you ever heard Gotye’s song “Somebody That I Used To Know.” It’s about the aftermath of a break-up… and here are some of the lyrics :  
"You didn't have to cut me off… Make out like it never happened, and that we were nothing… And I don't even need your love… But you treat me like a stranger, and that feels so rough."
In my past I have experienced that sort of complete rejection myself. But at the time I didn’t understand that it was all part of The Primal Game…. which is a very impersonal game... Nature's way of ensuring the survival of our species!
What it came down to was this - I didn’t want to get married, but my girlfriend at the time did. So I was told that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere… that her biological clock was ticking… and so I was told to get off the playing field.
In short, she wanted to find a potential life-partner asap… and it obviously wasn’t going to be me!
What shocked me at the time was that the friendship that I thought we had was not valued in any way at all.  Why not?  Because at a primal level a woman doesn’t need man-friends in her life. First and foremost she wants a protector/provider to help with the family she plans to have.
Even when I did eventually get engaged to be married, a few single ladies who I had been friends with for years no longer wanted to catch up for a coffee with me anymore. Why not? Because I was officially ‘off the shelf’, and no longer an option to keep in mind if they couldn’t find anyone to marry.
Unfortunately most guys don’t understand this primal drive to find a protector/provider... and so they’re often shocked and upset at being treated as though it never happened... that we were nothing… and we're treated like a stranger, and that feels so rough! :)
Ironically though, it worked out very well for Gotye. He won a swag of awards for his song.
To watch the film clip of “Somebody That I Used To Know”, click on this link: *(4mins) 
It's a Primal Thing.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

A Funny Brand of Wisdom!

I recently heard English comedienne Jo Brand say “Men try to turn women into sex objects. And women try to turn men into useful objects!” :)
And there you have it… a tongue-in-cheek insight into the primal hard-wiring of men and women.

Underneath all the pair-bonding activities such as cuddling and holding hands is a man’s testosterone-driven need to have sex… and a woman’s estrogen-driven need to have a family.
So while some women may complain about the male’s primal urge for regular sex… if it didn’t exist, there would be a lot of women in the world who would never end up having a family. :)
And while some men may complain about the female’s primal urge to have a family… if it didn’t exist, there would be a lot of men in the world who would never end up having sex. :) 

It’s all quite impersonal… just Nature’s Way of ensuring the survival of our species. Man needs a mate of some description. Woman needs a mate of some description. But their needs are different! 
It's a Primal Thing.