A Man's Primal Role

I recently saw Jerry Seinfeld on tv doing a short comedy sketch about the lengths men will go to in order to get a woman's attention.  I thought his words offered a funny but profound insight into men's lack of appreciation for their primal role.

He started by acknowledging all the things that women go through in order to be attractive to men : the fashion ; the make-up ; the hair ; the nail-polish ; the shaving and the waxing.  But then he suggested that it's actually harder for men. 

Why is it harder?  Because (according to Jerry) most men don't know what to do to be attractive to women... which is why we build bridges, climb mountains, and fly rockets to the moon.  And it's really really hard to do those things.... but we do them to try and impress women.

He finished by saying that when an astronaut comes back from space he'll go up to a beautiful woman, point and ask with great pride "Well, did you see me up there?" 

I laughed when I heard his shetch, but it rang true... many men don't actually know how to make themselves attractive to women.  In fact most men wear overly decorated (feminized) fashion, or they dress like lost little boys.  And somehow they think it's going to make them attractive as a potential mate.

I can only assume by this that they're under the assumption that women think in one of three very strange ways *(imagine a sultry voice):

1. "Oh baby, you look so much like a woman - it makes me so hot."
2. "Oh baby, you look so much like a little boy - I want to take you home."
3. "Oh baby, you're such a nice guy, and you dress so nice - ravish me now."

Need I point out the obvious?..... Maybe I do..... Women do not think like that !

So as strange as it might seem, many of us have forgotten our primal role in life.... which is to be a warrior-hunter, or to use a modern term, a protector-provider.  And it's that primal role that determines how we should look in order to be attractive to women... or prompt respect from other men.

You see, regardless of social trends, at a primal level men are expected to look and act like men... especially when it comes to dealing with life's challenges.  And the more a man exhibits the ability to face those challenges, the more attractive he's going to be to women..... and the more respect he's going to get from men.

So what's a man (a real man) supposed to look like?  Well he should exhibit the character traits that are valued in a protector-provider.... the character traits that have ensured the survival of the species so far. 

In the simplest of terms, he should dress in a way that is :

• simple... which shows he's practical in his approach
• strong... which shows he's capable of getting the job done
• functional... which shows he's effective at the things he does
• with obvious quality... which shows he has high standards
• and understated elegance... which shows he has an eye for detail.

And that basically translates as dressing like this :  

• avoid clothes with excess decorations or unnecessary features *(simple)
• wear form-fitting clothes that highlight your best masculine features
• preferably in dark or solid colours *(strong)
• and only wear what's needed to do the job at hand *(functional).

It's a Primal Thing.

For insight into how fashion trends develop and what to avoid, click below :

http://www.itsaprimalthing.com/2010/11/fashion-trends-and-alpha-personality.html

Dressing Nice is a Non-Event

When I first saw this photo of Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie from the television series Jeeves and Wooster, the expression on Stephen Fry's face (on the left) reminded me of how I feel when I see manly men dressed in 'nice' clothes.  It does nothing to enhance their masculinity or social status.

What are 'nice' clothes?  Well they're clothes that don't express any masculine traits..... clothes that aren't :  

• simple... with no unnecessary decoration or features
• strong... form-fitting, and in dark or striking colours
• functional... only what's needed to do the job at hand.

Without realising it, a lot of men are actually dressing in a way that expresses the feminine trait of decoration.... using hair-styles, colours and designs to stand-out and attract attention. 

Just for interest sake, below is a list of 'nice' clothes that a lot of men wear these days.  But first a warning :  Don't be surprised if you actually wear some of the items on this list.  It wasn't so long ago that I was wearing several of them as well.  And keep in mind that there's nothing really wrong with these items... but there's nothing overtly masculine either :

• polos with wide horizontal stripes
• polos with colourful over-sized logos 
• shirts with excess decoration in odd places 
• shirts with small token pockets and epaulettes
• colourful shirts that look like pyjamas 
• check shirts that look like tablecloths
• cargo pants with excess pockets and straps
• shoes with excess buckles and straps
• sunglasses with big lenses and bling
• t-shirts with designs and logos that aren't really relevant to your life. 

As I've mentioned, the problem with wearing these items is that they make no obvious masculine statement. Consequently, a man who wears 'nice' clothes usually comes across as being ineffectulal... unimpressive... a non-event.

In other words, their appearance doesn't prompt respect from other men, nor any sense of primal attraction from women (wives and girlfriends included).  The photo below gives you an idea of how a woman sees a man dressed in 'nice' clothes.

"So how did this happen? you may ask. "Where did it all go so terribly wrong?" 

Well it's perfectly understandable.  The first person to dress a little boy is usually his mother... and she makes sure that he always looks 'nice.'  She might even give him a kiss and a cuddle for looking so cute... and that reward will stay in his memory. 

Then years later a girlfriend or a wife takes over and starts shopping for her man... buying him things that look 'nice' on him. Maybe it's a shirt with colourful pyjama stripes, or a trendy polo with a bright over-sized logo.

It's perfectly natural for women to like decorative clothes. It's how they enhance their natural beauty and/or sexuality. So it's no surprise that they choose decorative clothes for their man. 

But there's a problem with that approach.  Nice clothes do nothing to stimulate the primal atttraction that's supposed to happen between men and women.  Men are supposed to look like men... they're supposed to know the primal game, and dress accordingly.

So if you want to maximise your masculinity... if you want to prompt greater respect and admiration from people... all you have to do is ensure that what you wear is :

• simple... with no unnecessary decoration or features
• strong... form-fitting, and preferably in dark or striking colours
• and functional... only what's needed to do the job at hand.

And to express the styling of an Alpha personality, ensure that each item has :

• obvious quality... which creates a sense of higher status
• understated elegance... attention to the finer details (see photo below).

It's a Primal Thing.

The Primal Fashion Trend

A new fashion trend has emerged for men in recent times, but no one has really noticed. It's what I call Primal Fashion, because unlike previous trends it allows men to wear clothes that highlight every aspect of their masculinity.... everything from facial hair, to the shoulders, chest and arms, to the crotch and butt.  The photo of actor Colin Farrell (above) is a good example of the look.

There are other polpular trends though : men wearing low 'drop-crotch' pants ; the 'sagging' look, now with support-braces to prevent the inevitable (above) ; and men dressing in overly decorated shirts and pants, which is a feminine trait. 

And there's also the 'lost little boy' look... men wearing oversized t-shirts and extra long baggy-bum shorts. 

On that point of strange fashion trends, I recently read a very interesting book titled 'One Hundred Years of Menswear' by Cally Blackman. And what struck me was that there has always been some strange fashion trends for men. 

They're what I call 'Look at Me" trends... because they are so extreme that people just have to turn and look. The Zoot Suit below is just one example.

Like today, these extreme trends were usually worn by a social sub-group who wanted to rebel against 'establishment'  values.  But in some cases it ended up influencing main-stream fashion.

The photo below of Oxford Baggies is just one example.  What started out as an act of rebellion amongst graduate students at Oxford University, ended up influencing the style of mens trousers over the next three decades.

Another interesting point that I noticed from the photos in the book was that the fashion of almost every era only ever included one or two features that highlight the masculine form.

Take the photo of a young Marlon Brando below. Although his trousers are a fairly loose cut (not highlighting his legs or crotch in any way), his tight t-shirt highlights his masculine chest and arms.

Below is another example. It's a 1940's suit that emphasizes broad manly shoulders... but once again the pants ensure that the legs, crotch and butt are not emphasized in any way. And the look is clean-cut... civilised... tamed. 

But these days you don't have to look 'tamed.'  In fact you can look a little wild.

You can wear a bit of facial hair... as well as clothing that complements every aspect of your masculine form. You can wear shirts that show off your shoulders and chest... and pants and that highlight your crotch, your butt, or your thighs.

Now maybe you're asking yourself why you'd want to bother highlighting all your best masculine features?  After all, you've been doing ok so far.  Or have you?  How do you measure what you haven't got... or what hasn't happened to you yet?

Wouldn't you like to be more respected everywhere you go... or be seen as more attractive? Wouldn't you like to just get better service in shops and restaurants?

No one actually aspires to 'doing ok.'  You settle for 'ok.'  And why?  Because you don't know how to make things better.... or maybe it just seems like hard work.

But it's really not hard at all.  All you need is to have a clear direction. And that direction could be this : to gradually ensure that every item in your wardrobe is distinctly masculine.

In other words, regardless of your career or social group, every item should be :

• simple... with no unnecessary decoration, pockets, buckles or straps
• strong... form-fitting, and preferably in dark colours or patterns
• and functional... wear only what's needed for what you're actually doing.

And to express the styling of an Alpha personality, ensure that each item has :

• obvious quality... which creates higher status amongst the group 
• and an understated elegance... attention to the line and finer detail.

It's a Primal Thing.

But would James Bond wear it?

A friend of mine recently went shopping with his wife to buy himself a few new pieces to add to his wardrobe.

As they were looking through what was available, his wife picked up a shirt and said "This is nice."  It was one of those overly decorated shirts that are so popular for men right now - and it was pink.

In response he simply asked "It's 'nice', but would James Bond wear it?"

She immediately knew what that meant (it was pretty, but not very masculine), and she happily put the shirt back on the rack and moved on.

Although my friend's reference to James Bond might seem a bit 'cliche', it actually hit the nail on the head.  In our western culture James Bond is an icon of masculinity... and you would never see him wearing an overly decorated pink shirt.

And that's the point. If James Bond wouldn't wear it, then it's not really masculine. 

Having said that, it's quite common for wives/girlfriends to shop for their man. And because women are naturally drawn to various forms of 'decoration', they will often dress their man in colours and designs that they think will look 'nice.'

But here's the rub. Men aren't supposed to look nice... they're supposed to look masculine. Women might like the look of 'nice', but they're not attracted by it.

In other words, looking 'nice' won't cause a primal stirring in your partner's loins. And looking 'nice' won't prompt respect from other men either.

However looking masculine can easilly achieve both of those things. 

Historically, a man's role is to be a protector-provider... which is an expression of what used to be a warrior-hunter.  And when you dress in a way that expresses the character traits of a strong protector-provider, you send a message that registers on a primal level with both women and men. 

So here's the important point. Throughout your life you've been constantly changing the way you dress. And most of those changes have been caused by peer pressure. But changing now is about you taking control of how you look in the future... and how people will respond to you. 

In the past you may have had one or two compliments from women who thought that what you were wearing looked nice (most men have)... but 'nice' doesn't mean they found you attractive, or respected you as a man. 

But what does prompt attraction and respect is a style of dress that's distinctly masculine - something James Bond would wear -  something simple, strong and functional, with an obvious quality, and an understated elegance. 

No matter what you do - at home or at work - those 5 parameters will serve you well.

It's a Primal Thing.

What's Masculine Fashion, and What's Not

Whether you realise it or not, everything you wear makes a statement about who you are, and what you value at this point in your life. 

For example, you might value looking casual and relaxed, or trendy, or sexy, or tough and scary.  But what ever it is you value, it's important to understand that you probably didn't always dress in the way you're dressing now.

Throughout your whole life the way you dress has been in a constant (if not gradual) state of change.... caused by going through different stages of your life. 

And with each stage you were affected (at an unconscious level) by three primal values that are hard-wired into the human psyche :

• to fit-in and be accepted by the group you belonged to at the time
• to be different in some way and raise our status in the group
• to be sexually attractive to potential mates within the group.

As I'm sure you can appreciate, these factors cause men to dress in very different ways as they progress through their teens, then their 20's, 30's, and 40's.

Each decade comes with a different set of values to live life by!

This naturally creates different expressions of masculinity. For example, the social rebellion style of the teenage years is eventually replaced by the working-and-dating style of dress of their 20's.

However, throughout all of these stages there is actually a style of dress that is appealing across all the generations... because it expresses values that are distinctly masculine :

• simple... with no unnecessary decoration, buckles or straps
• strong... form-fitting, and preferably in dark colours or patterns
• and functional... wear only what's needed for what you're doing.

Because an Alpha personality understands the primal game of creating respect and attraction, they naturally take those parameters further by adding :

• an obvious quality... which creates higher status as a potential mate
• and understated elegance... an attention to the line and finer detail.

For an example of what Alpha-stying  looks like, below is another photo of actor Bruce Willis. What he's wearing could be worn by any generation.... and it would prompt a positive response from both men and women, in any country. 

Another way of understanding what's masculine is understanding what's feminine.

Although the parameters of masculine styling can be summed up with the three basic points of simple, strong and functional... feminine styling can be summed up in just one word : decoration.

In essence, women use decoration in its various forms to enhance their beauty and/or sexuality. Following are just some examples :

*  hair colouring = decoration
*  hair accessories = decoration

*  lipstick and make-up = decoration

*  ear-rings and necklaces = decoration

*  watches, bangles and rings = decoration

*  fabric colours, patterns and textures = decoration
*  big sunglasses with wide sides and bling = decoration

*  shoes with an excess of buckles and straps = decoration

*  handbags with an excess of buckles and straps = decoration.

You'll notice in this photo of Bruce Willis (below) that he isn't exhibiting any of those decorative traits. His look is completely masculine : simple, strong and functional, with an obvious quality, and an understated elegance. The appeal is universal.

It's a Primal Thing.

The Simplicity and Strength of Alpha Styling

In a recent discussion about Alpha styling, the person I was talking to said "I'm working to put a new Alpha wardrobe together, but it's complicated." 

Over the last few months I've actually heard that statement a couple of times now, and each time I was surprised.  Why?  Because I thought that the Alpha-style parameters were very clear. All you need to do is ensure that everything is :

• simple
• strong
• and functional
• with an obvious quality
• and an understated elegance.

Together those five points make one easy-to-remember sentence... and the photo of Hugh Jackman (above) is a perfect example of what that sentence describes.

But then it dawned on me that most people don't know precisely why they wear the clothes they wear.

I'm sure if I had asked the person I was talking to to explain why they were wearing a patterned shirt they would have said "Because I like it."

 

But if I had pushed the point further and asked them "But what statement are you making about yourself by wearing that particular shirt... and why are you wearing cargo pants and trekking boots?"... I think there would have been a silent pause.

And that's my point.  Everything you wear sends a message about who you are - or at least who you like to be seen as - but few people realise they're making that kind of statement about themselves.

Maybe the guy I was talking to would have responded by saying "This is what everyone is wearing right now." That would have been a very acceptable answer, because we humans are hard-wired to want to fit-in and be accepted by our group.

In fact, that want is the first (and strongest) of the three primal values that influence the way we dress :

• we want to fit-in and be accepted by the group
• we want to be different and raise our staus amonst the group
• we want to be sexually attractive to potential mates within the group.

What must be understood is that the fashion industry depends on constantly creating new fashion trends (new or different looks) for each season.  And we buy into the process because of the three primal values I've listed above... even if a particular new trend makes us look less manly.

That's why these days we've got young men wearing drop-crotch pants and clothes with too much decoration (which is a feminine trait)... and older men who look like they're lost little boys in big t-shirts and long baggy-bum shorts. 

Unfortunately, all these trends send a negative primal message about a man. They might be acceptable in a small social sub-group... but outside of that group they won't prompt any respect from other men, nor any attraction from women.

So finally, let me see if I can clarify what a masculine style of dress looks like. 

Every item, including your watch and jewellery, should be :

• simple... with no unnecessary decoration, buckles or straps
• strong... form-fitting, and preferably in dark colours or patterns
• and functional... only what's needed for that particular activity.

And because an Alpha personality understands the primal game of creating respect and attraction, they take those parameters even further by adding :

• an obvious quality in each and every item... which creates higher status
• and understated elegance... an attention to the line and finer detail.

It's a Primal Thing.

Maximise your Masculinity *(more on swim wear)

Some time ago I was on the beach with my family, when a man around 40 years of age walked along the sand with his partner.  He was stocky, in good physical condition, and not wearing a shirt.

But what caught my eye was his long multi-coloured board shorts. They were very baggy, very bright, and went down below his kness.

We (humans) are hard-wired to notice bright colours. It's part of our natural survival instinct... the ability to spot bright flashes of colour that might be an animal stalking us from the bushes. 

In fact that's why a lot of people like to wear bright colours - they want to be noticed. 

But that tactic only works if what you look like actually holds people's attention.

If you look different or unusual, they might keep looking at you for a minute.  If you're attractive in some way (preferably in a primal way), then they'll definitely keep watching you. But if you're neither of those, then they will quickly turn away.

So bright colours can be an 'attraction factor'... but if there's nothing impressive to hold people's attention, they'll just look elsewhere. And all this happens within just one or two seconds. 

I've always thought it was interesting that women instinctively know not to cover up their feminine features too much... even if they're surfing.

Men on the other hand, are often more inclined to follow what other men are wearing.... even if it makes them look less manly.

This is because of the first (and strongest) of the three primal values that influence how we dress :

1)  to fit-in and be accepted by the group

2)  to be different and raise our status amongst the group

3)  to be sexually attractive to potential mates within the group.

But getting back to the guy I saw on the beach, he didn't need to wear brightly coloured board shorts to be noticed. He was in his physical prime. His shoulders, arms and torso were muscular... and his thighs were probably muscular too, but you couldn't see them.

In fact, because he was standing in soft sand, you could only see about ten inches of his calves. So his board shorts actually cut his 'masculine features' in half... because they covered most of his lower body.

So any guy who looked at him was only going to have half the respect for him as a manly man. And any woman who looked at him was only going to find him half as attractive, simply because she couldn't see his muscular thighs and calves... and that includes his partner.

He would have been better off wearing speedos, or euro trunks, or just short shorts. But instead he was following the current trend of wearing big bright boardshorts... even though he wasn't going surfing.

Finally, a word of advice about the on-going debate on whether women like to see men wearing speedos on the beach or not.

It basically all comes down to primal attraction : if a woman likes the look of you - your face, your physique, your manner - then she is usually happy to see as much of you as she can.

But if she isn't attracted to you (for whatever reason, don't take it personally), she doesn't want to see all the finer details that wearing a pair of speedos has to offer.

It's important to understand that the colourful V-shape of a pair of speedos draws attention to a man's 'bulge'... and a lot of women feel uncomfortable with that. 

However euro-trunks don't have that V-shape. And a dark colour provides an even greater degree of modesty, because the finer details can't be seen as easily. 

So regardless of fashion trends, keep in mind that women are naturally attracted to the image of a healthy male.... his shoulders, his chest, his legs, and his butt. 

It's not a choice... they're hard-wired to find a powerful masculine physique attractive. The survival of the species depends on it. 

This photo of Daniel Craig is a good example of an Alpha male in his prime. His body shows that he is healthy and strong.... an experienced warrior-hunter... a successful protector-provider.

So whether you're on the beach, at a social function or at work, always strive to maximise your masculinity.

It's a Primal Thing.